The Power of God & Prayer

I'm not sure what to call this one so I'll start writing. Maybe it'll come to me. Today, September 2, 2010, has been unlike any day I've experienced in some time. First, it represents the 27th month anniversary of the last time I ingested alcohol into my body. For the record, that's EIGHT HUNDRED-TWENTY DAYS. The reason I capitalize it is this. Each one of those days was taken ONE day at a time. For many who suffer this disease and have been sober for much longer than I, I'm sure they understand my thought process. And though I can appreciate and admire those that have gone 5, 10, 15, or even 30 years without so much as a drop, for me I am still amazed at how long it has been. I'm humbled yet at the same time, I gain great strength from this accomplishment and that strength continues to grow each day, especially in a spiritual sense.

Why spiritual? Here's what I mean. Today, of all days, the 27th month anniversary of sobriety, I received a phone call. It came from my new employer, the one that offered me a position well over a month ago but, because of "background issues" with respect to my record in Kansas, they required me to obtain special permission from the State of California to represent their company. This requirement has been on-going for nearly a month, culminating in having to send the State of CA. all of my court records from Kansas, fingerprints, photographs, and my own personal statement explaining in graphic detail what I did in Kansas over 2 years ago. What I discovered through this process was none of it was necessary. What I did had nothing to do with violating any laws that would lead one to believe that I "breached the public trust" or was involved in a "dishonest" act (Granted, one could argue a third DUI might be considered a "dishonest act" but that's not the point, especially in this instance). Consequently, over the past week, I began digging further and further into this issue, eventually corresponding with a high official at the State of CA. via email arguing my case. Finally, late yesterday afternoon, this official determined that I did NOT need special permission so I forwarded this information to my employer. They, in turn sent it to their home office legal counsel for further review. And then this morning came the phone call. I've been approved by their counsel to proceed without getting State consent.

So, that's two blessings, right? There's more. Late last night I sent a text message to my children. I've been praying for their safety and to have people come into their life that will provide them with a sense of peace and serenity. In other words, people of faith. Here's what my text message said: "I just want you to both know that I'm not perfect, in spite of being TOTALLY alcohol free for 27 months. I still make mistakes and am doing the best I know how to be the father you deserve. You may disagree with my actions but trust me when I tell you this. What I do, I do with my heart, soul, and with prayer. And I pray for your well being, too. In every way you deserve. I love you…..Dad."

My daughter responded this way: "That's so nice!" Then she gave me her new address in Virginia. You see, she left Tribune with her mother over two weeks ago because she was unhappy with her life there. And unhappy with me since I disagreed with her decision and would not support it financially. So unhappy that as recently as a week ago, she refused to tell me her whereabouts. Now I know. That makes THREE blessings I received from God, all just today.

Now to the topic at hand. The power of God and prayer. Think about what I've just written. Today, of all days, the 27th month anniversary of my sobriety, I receive all these blessings. Why? What did I do? Because I've been praying, and praying for a very long time for good things to happen, not just with my life but also for my children, their mother, and many others. More importantly, it reminds me of my FIRST post in this blog. The one written on April 20th, 2010:

    Greetings friends. Over the past two years, I have had experiences nothing short of life-changing. It's quite a story, in many ways. I have developed a new life, a new way of living, made many new friendships, and as a result of those friendships, I have been told countless number of times from many people that some of what I speak and write about have been a source of inspiration for them. I've even been told I should write some sort of book, though that has never been something I could see myself doing. The funny thing is, I never intended to be an inspiration to anyone. It just happened. Then again as I look back, many things "just happened" during this time, most of them good in my life. And as I reflect on all those good things that have happened I have asked myself these questions. Why? Why me? Why me of all people? The one who has made so many mistakes in his life? And every time I search for answers there is always one thing that was a common denominator in every answer. Whether I had anything to do with these good things, or if it was just blind luck, the work of God, or whatever you choose to describe it, it still comes back to just one thing that I can't seem to get out of the equation. That's where this story begins and ends and what I've just written is just the start.

Up until today, I used to think that the "one thing that I can't seem to get out of the equation" was not drinking alcohol. In other words, something I did, not something anyone else did for me. But now I realize I had nothing to do with it, other than exercising the one thing God gave me: Free will. The right to choose between right or wrong, good or evil. By choosing right, by choosing good, God has rewarded me over and over again with many blessings. And today, September 2nd, 2010, he bestowed some big ones! There's no one who can tell me that the power of God and that the power of prayer doesn't exist. It's real my friends. My life is living proof and a testament to that statement.

"Gusto"

Apathy

First off, I want to apologize if this one comes off somewhat negative or pessimistic. However, the reason I'm writing about this topic will hopefully drive home my point about how our world is these days.

I've seen so much over this lifetime, particularly over the past couple of years and especially in the past few months that leads me to this subject. Everywhere I look I see it; people apathetic about events, circumstances, and even people around them, including their very own families. So much of what our society and each of us have become individually in today's world is because of events we find so out of our control that we choose to do certain things to shield and insulate ourselves from them. We hide out. We hide in our homes, our cars, our offices, our work environment, wherever we go we try to find ways to avoid what we see as tragedy and wrong-doing. It's not that we don't care, it's just that we seem to always say certain things, things like "What can I do? Nothing I do is going to make a difference anyway!" I can think of several instances where I've heard these sentiments. Politics is a prime example. The leaders of our country, or the lack thereof, depending on one's point of view. There are many other examples I'm sure; the decline of our rural culture, consolidation of key industries such as insurance, banking, airlines, auto makers, and on and on. Everywhere you look you see it. No one seems to care. All I see others doing is going about their day as if no one else existed. Not me. I refuse to give in to that mentality.

It's a herd mentality when you stop to think about it. Think of the movie "A Few Good Men." Remember when Tom Cruise asked one of the marines when he was on the witness stand what he did at chow time? "Following the herd" I think is what he said. In reality, that's what so many of us do. We FOLLOW. Who decides who is to LEAD? You? Me? Or is it always "someone else?" Ponder this for a moment. We're a society of followers, always waiting for someone else to "take the lead."

At this point, you may be asking yourself this question. I know I would if I were you. What's YOUR solution "Gusto?" I'm not certain there's an easy answer to that but I'll try it from this viewpoint. One of the many lessons I've learned over the past few years is that CHANGE, change for myself and the world in which I live, comes not from what others can do for me. Change starts within. It starts within each one of us. WE, each of us, has that power. We can choose. God gave us free will, that being the choice of right or wrong. I choose right. And If I choose to do the "right" thing, following what my God-given instincts tell me that is, and you do it as well, then change will begin on a mass scale. Then we become a nation of leaders. Not a nation of followers. It is at that very moment that the possibilities for what might seem unimaginable or unattainable as individuals and as a society become reality!

"Gusto"

Judging Others & Keeping Emotions In Check

This topic comes to mind because of recent personal events. Rather than dive in with the details of it, I'll try to give it a perspective that gives you something to think about and how it might apply to your own lives.

When you look at others, particularly someone you're close to such as a family member or a co-worker, who is having personal issues you have strong opinions about, what do you do? Do you rush in with advice? More importantly, if you do give advice, do you do so with the other person's feelings first or are you giving it based on your OWN feelings? Many times, we tend toward the latter. After all, we're human. When we see someone who is having difficulty with a particular problem, be it of a personal nature such as family matters, job-related, financial, or whatever the case may be, we sometimes let our own emotions dictate our words and actions. We therefore give our "advice" and opinions based on those emotions. Consequently, what happens is this. What was intended to be caring and loving advice often comes off as critical, harsh, even judgmental. What happens then is the other person gets defensive and even angry at the other. The end result? Frustration, anger, and most of all, NO positive outcome!

Over the past few years, I've learned many things as a result of tragic personal events in my life. One of the key ones is not to think I know everything or have all the answers. This includes passing judgment upon others. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying to NOT be critical or give my opinions to others. I'm merely suggesting that it is important to remember some key elements when I do. One, don't take the other person's feelings for granted. Chances are, the advice or judgment I'm giving them they probably already know, or maybe have thought of. That's where my emotions come into play. If I remember the first part then it's easier for me to keep my own emotions in check. If I do both of these, I will be much more productive and effective that the opinion and advice will be taken in a positive fashion, rather than met with defensiveness or anger.

This sort of positive interaction with others in your life, at any stage or in any circumstance, is critical to your emotional well-being as well as with those you encounter. Remember, I think it's been written somewhere a long time ago: "Judge not, lest you be judged." No one is perfect. Here's another thing you should always remember: "There's a little bit of bad in the best of us and a little bit of good in the worst of us." Point is, if I'm not perfect, what right do I have to judge others? And if everyone else is the same, which they are, then NO one has the right to judge another. If two people have that same mindset when they engage in conversations where one is giving the other "advice" or opinion, then the end result will be one that is much more productive and effective for the other party. Not to mention how good you will both feel when you're done! It's like, "Wow, that was really cool!"

See what I mean?

"Gusto"

“P L A U G E S”

I remember when I first thought of this acronym. It was about a year ago when I was encountering a lot of anger and resentments from family members about past issues. I could never remember the 7 deadly sins and this acronym helps me to remember them: "PLAUGES" = Pride, Lust, Anger, Gluttony, Greed, Envy, and Sloth. I had to fudge on the U, substituting gluttony instead!

When I think of those words though, there's 2 more that I think should be included as "deadly sins", fears and resentments. When you look at your own life, ask yourself these questions. When is it when you feel like you're losing control over your life? What do you FEEL when you don't have control? And what is it do you think you really have any control over? Is it other people? Other situations beyond your own? Obviously, if you're honest with yourself, you really have very little control over anything, other than what you put into your mouth, the clothes you wear, what time you go to bed, what time you get up, etc. Those kinds of things. But, when it comes to the moment you leave your home in the morning, get in your vehicle, and drive off to wherever it is you're going; work, school, whatever, you have none. Zip, zero, nada. None. And when it comes to other people, do you have any? Including your children, spouse, boss, or co-worker?

So, getting back to the acronym and the words I'd like to discuss; Pride, Anger, Fears, and Resentments. These four words, or feelings, are in my opinion, mankind's biggest enemies. Every time I think of when I feel the loss of control, pride kicks in. Instincts say I can do this! I can control that other person or situation. Of course, that usually doesn't work. Next thing I know, I'm angry. Angry at the other person or situation and, in turn, angry with myself for allowing my pride and ego to take over. Once I get beyond the anger, fear comes next. Afraid of what might happen if events occur that I don't want. Situations with my family or my career. And when I realize that my pride has gotten in the way, along with anger and fear, I become resentful towards others. The whole thing is a vicious cycle and can carry you to what I call a "black hole." A black hole full of negative feelings, a sense of hopelessness, frustration, despair, and an utter loss of control.

Having painted such a bleak picture, what now? What's the solution? Acceptance. From page 417, from the book meant for 12 steppers but what I like to call a book that is really about LIFE: "And acceptance is the answer to ALL my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation – some fact of my life – unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake. Until I can accept, and unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in this world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes." Remember this though, acceptance may be the answer, but accepting someone, something or some situation doesn't mean you have to like it. It just is.

Pride, anger, fear, and resentment. Deadly words to us as human beings. Deadly emotions. God did not intend for us to live in this manner. A humble, loving, positive, and forgiving person is what He wants us to be. We do this then we crawl out of that black hole. Back out of a world of frustration, despair, and hopelessness into one of promise, love, and faith.

In summary, it's the Prayer of St. Francis:

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace,

that where there is hatred, I may bring love;

that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;

that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;

that where there is error, I may bring truth;

that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;

that where there is despair, I may bring hope;

that where there are shadows, I may bring light;

that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.

Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;

to understand, than to be understood;

to love, than to be loved.

For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.

It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.

It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.

The Power of Prayer and Doing The “Right” Thing

The power of prayer and doing the "right" thing. Two nights ago, I posted a song called "Daughters" by John Mayer on my Facebook page. Daughters is one of my favorites of his because the lyrics and the message he brings carry deep meaning for my own feelings about my daughter. But there was another reason. Shortly after I arrived in San Diego in late March of this year, I learned that John would be playing live at the Cricket Amphitheater in San Diego in August, so I quickly bought 4 tickets to go see him. At the time I bought them, I had NO idea what was about to happen several months later. In late June, my daughter told me she was planning on moving to Virginia to attend her last year of high school there and to live with her half-sister. She was unhappy in Tribune in the environment she was living in with her mother and unhappy with me since I hadn't gotten myself completely settled in California. After all, she wanted to come here and live with me nearly the instant I arrived! After considering this decision of hers and my concern for not only her well-being, but also of my son who seemed to be having personal problems back home in Kansas, I decided to return to Tribune in early August to visit with them personally. By this time though, money was becoming tight since I wasn't working full-time after completing the paralegal program at UCSD, which was the primary purpose why I came here. Consequently, in order to offset the cost of plane fare, I decided to sell the tickets I had bought so I could see my children. Finally, two nights ago on August 19, 2010, just 6 days prior to the concert, I got an offer to sell them. Even though I had to let them go below cost, I went ahead and did so because, as I mentioned in my Facebook post about the song Daughters, it was the "right" thing to do.

Now to the topic at hand. One of the things I've been doing lately with respect to my life and, especially when it comes to my children, is praying directly to God more. Praying for specific things such as their safety and their well-being, physically, mentally, and emotionally. And praying for signs from Him on what to do, especially ones that are "right." Not only did I ask God for these signs for myself, but also for my children. Then, on August 18th, I sent my daughter this text message: "Morning. Is today the big day? Heading east? If so, I sincerely pray you will be safe and most of all, you WILL succeed. I love you." At 5:48 a.m. the next day on August 19th, the SAME day when I would later learn I got the Mayer tickets sold, I got this reply from her: "Made it to Virginia this morning! Love you."

The power of God and the power of prayer WORKS. I'm convinced of it now. But this story gets better and even MORE inspiring. After I posted the Daughters song and responding to a facebook friend of mine (Who, by the way, just so "happened" to stop by while I was in Tribune shortly before I left to return to San Diego. She wanted to talk about my kids AND offered to say a prayer for their safety at that very moment) that it was the "right" thing to sell the tickets; I posted a couple more songs and later went to sleep around midnight. At 3 a.m. I bolted upright from a dream. An incredible dream that is still sending chills throughout my body. In the dream, I was back in Kansas some time long ago and my Dad was in it. I'm not sure of all the details but I recall that he was suing somebody for a very small amount of money they owed him. I knew these people he was suing and knew they were poor so I asked him if he wanted to just "let it go." He said "yes, it's the "right" thing to do."

At that very moment in the dream, I was suddenly back in the present, back with my thoughts about doing the "right" thing by selling the Mayer tickets so I could use the money on my children's behalf. So I asked Dad, "are you sure?" And I kept pressing him on the issue and asked again and again. Finally, he looked at me as if to say, "why do you ask?" So I said, "No Dad, just making sure that's what you wanted to do is all." That's when I woke up. I went downstairs where I'm living with my sister, stepped outside, sat down on a bench and suddenly, "IT" happened. When I say "IT", I mean the presence of the Holy Spirit touching and entering my soul and mind. I can think of only two times this has happened in such a REAL fashion in the past 3 years and this was His message: "Doing the "right" thing is the legacy you've imprinted in your children's mind. You've told them this time and time again. You've spoken of it numerous times on your Facebook page. Now you've seen it in your dream. Your father passed this legacy to you and now you're doing it for your children."

But there's STILL more to this story. The Spirit I felt went on to say this: "What you have done for your children is only part of your journey. Doing the "right" thing extends to all of your fellow man. You need to spread this message that all the pain, the anger, the resentments, the fears, all of the troubles of this world can be washed away if people will simply do one thing. Follow their heart and do the "right" thing.

The final message He sent me was this: "Help your son. Get him out if you have to. He's crying out for help now that his sister has gone. Bring him here with you if that's what it takes and don't worry, I will guide you and provide a way for this to happen."

I don't know about you but I don't think something like what has "happened" here was by chance, blind luck, or of my own free will, and should not be taken lightly. Our existence on this planet is for a short period of time and we have little control over our destiny. Actually, when you think about it, do we really have any control at all? I've seen the power of prayer and the power of God first-hand several times now and I've seen Him work in the lives of others. The next time you pray, think of not only what you say, but how you say it. If you've given your heart and soul, trust me, you will be surprised at what happens next. And when that moment comes, don't look back, don't question the "sign", don't question whether your own mind has just "dreamed" it up. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake!

"Gusto"

Kansas/California (or anywhere else for that matter)

It's been awhile since I've blogged and I've had several ideas in mind for the latest one, including a reference to an earlier post, "Sense of Community." After thinking about it, I've come up with something a little different but with a tinge of that particular topic. I call it "Kansas/California", which refers to the journey I've taken going all the way back to 1975.

After my mother passed away in 1972, our family was basically ripped to the core. In those days, especially with my family, the mother of the family was a key part of the team. After she passed, I got into troubles here and there, nothing serious, which is typical for most teenagers but in my case, it got progressively worse as the next few years went by. By 1975, at the encouragement of several family members, I moved to northern San Diego county and attended my last two years of high school at Torrey Pines H.S. in Del Mar, CA. The rest, as they say, is history. I took to it like a duck to water. Literally. My Dad's sister, who taught at Torrey Pines in those days, still talks about how I seemed to have been energized by the transition and the lifestyle. Eventually, it led me on to college, finally graduating from San Diego State in December 1982 with a degree in Business Administration. After 8 years though, I grew tired of the traffic, the culture, and longed to return home. Eventually, I did. After 2 ½ years in my first job after college with ITT Financial Services in Montana and Colorado, I returned to Tribune, KS. once more to farm with my Dad and to set out what I really wanted to get into. Banking. So, on that momentous day, October 6th, 1985, I began my career with The First National Bank of Tribune, starting out as their insurance agent. Over the next 23 years, I gradually moved up the ranks, eventually becoming senior loan officer and vice president, with a large amount of responsibility and stature within the organization.

Now that I've returned to the same area where my life took off 35 years ago and thinking of all that has happened during this time, it brings a lot of memories to mind and topics I can share. When I started this blog and website in early April of this year, I really had no conception of where I might go with it. Like everything else in my life these days, things just continue to "happen", and this blog is no different. Shortly after creating the blog, I covered a topic of keen interest to me; "Sense of Community." For those of you reading this current post, that one is dated May 4th, 2010, if you care to refer to it to refresh your memory. Basically the thrust of it is the seemingly lack of that "sense" here, totally unlike back in Kansas, where "community" is so ingrained in the lifestyle. Kansas and California are different in so many ways, most of which are obvious to the casual observer; flat, dry, windy, and sparsely populated versus luscious vegetation, moderate climate, and densely populated. But something so much different and which is subtle at first is the difference in this "sense of community." Back home, everyone knows one another, everyone is your neighbor, and everyone is in the same boat when it comes to agriculture to drive the economy. The people are so intimately "connected" that that feeling never goes away, even after you leave and come back after many years. For example, I just returned to SoCal from a trip to Kansas to visit with family and friends during the county fair in Tribune and I was stunned by the experience. It was as if I never left. People came up, talked, asked questions, and the visits were non-stop.

Here in SoCal, as I mentioned in the May 4th entry on Ramblings, you can live next door to someone who is literally less than 10 feet away and not even know their name, much less visit, or consider yourself as friends or even neighbors. Everything seems as if each one of us here is their own island. So, in spite of our close proximity to each other, we don't really KNOW each other. Everyone has their own agenda and it's rare when I meet someone who seems to really care for their fellow man in every sense. People hide from each other in a way, staying in their own little world, tucked inside their homes, apartments, their cars, and wherever they go, they seem to be alone. That's sad because it doesn't have to be that way. For instance, I've discovered that my open nature, my open heart and mind, has opened doors for me personally I never thought possible when I came here. I've met new people, REAL people who care, and the reason why is simply because I've opened up myself for them to come into my life. Funny thing is, everyone can do the same thing. I'm no different than anyone else; you have feelings, dreams, aspirations, fears, and hopes just like I do. What IS different is I'm more open now, open to new ways of living, new ideas, and trying to live a dynamic life. Question is then, why? Why aren't more people willing or able to do the same?

Before I give my answer to that question, I'll let you in on a little secret. It's no different than in Kansas! There are people there just like here; afraid to come out, unsure of themselves, unwilling or unable to open themselves up to new ways and new ideas. The answer lies in two words, PRIDE and FEAR. Two words that keep any of us from leading a dynamic life, WHEREVER we may live. For me, and given my experience over the past two-plus years, I've discovered a miracle of life. Once I dropped that wall of pride and the wall of fear, doors have been flying open right and left, both personally and professionally. It's truly amazing and somewhat of a miracle to be honest. Here's something else. I have no doubt, NONE, that many people from Kansas could come here to California, and vice versa, and feel totally at ease and comfortable in creating a new life and new friends if they had the same mindset as I do. Show no fear. Drop your egos and your pride and just be yourself, the one God created you to be. Each one of us was once a child. You remember what that was like? Look at a child now, say 5 years of age to say, oh, age 10 or so. Do they show any fear? Watch them closely. They speak their mind openly, laugh loudly, and play with one another, oblivious to what others may think of them. It's only as we get older that the walls of pride and fear are built. It's a sociological progression we experience as human beings. As if we have no choice because we think that's how we should be to survive in an "adult world." Think about it. You can change that; in fact you can reverse that, just open your heart and your mind, drop your pride and show no fear. The world then will be yours. And like it says in my 24 hour a day book, "The power released within yourself will change your outward world." YOU have the power. YOU have the choice. All you have to do is try. "Just do it."

"Gusto"

Standing Up for Christians

One of my dearest friends on Facebook sent me this message on my wall this morning: Hey! Mr. Writer look on my site and write for me an editorial on standing up for Christian religion that is being under attack. I'm not sure where to begin with this one. Those who know me well know that I say I'm not a "bible-beater" and I don't mean that in a derogatory sense. It's just that I don't go around quoting scripture or announcing my faith loudly, particularly in a forum such as Facebook, where so many people think it's not the place for politics or religion. On the other hand, I also firmly believe in freedom of speech in that forum so here goes.

The article she was referring to was a recent ruling on the part of a federal judge's decision in favor of a public university that removed a Christian student from its counseling program over her belief that homosexuality is morally wrong. U.S. District Judge George Caram Steeh dismissed a lawsuit Julea Ward filed against Eastern Michigan University (EMU) alleging she was removed from the school's graduate counseling program last year after she refused to counsel homosexual clients about relationships.

One of the first things that "pops" into my head when I read this article was this, and it relates to my personal experience within the AA program and my overall personal beliefs: No one, and I mean no one, has the right to judge another, particularly when it comes to matters of freedoms guaranteed to us as citizens under the Constitution of the United States. While some would argue that this individual should have set aside her personal religious beliefs in exchange for providing counseling for another human being who is an admitted homosexual, I tend to disagree. Admittedly, I hold a bias against homosexuality in general, and though I'm not sure what Jesus would say on this topic or what the bible says, it is my belief that homosexuality itself is morally wrong. But that's not the point of this blog. The real crux of the matter is what right does a school have to impose its "student policies" on a counselor who is merely exercising her fundamental right of freedom of religion guaranteed to her under the Constitution? More importantly, this judge's ruling sets a dangerous precedent for further attacks against Christians in the workplace who express those rights of religious freedom openly.

It comes down to this. While I was incarcerated and the resulting humility I learned because of that experience, I have come to believe that no one has the right to judge another over ANYTHING, be it religion, political views, or whatever. Only God has that right. Now, one could argue hey, that's what the legal system is for. After all, the school DOES have rights too, you know. And this counselor should have known what those rights are, what duties she must perform to represent the school. May be. But here again, who is to say what takes precedence? The school's policies or the student's rights of religious freedom? A court? One judge? I don't think so.

As I wrote this though, something else has occurred to me. Given my own background with the legal system, the fact that I recently completed a paralegal program, and the beliefs I have stated here about no one having the right to sit in judgment of another, what is MY purpose in life then? An interesting question. Here's my own answer. I believe there IS a place for me to be a POSITIVE influence in law. To serve others who have been treated unjustly, at least from the perspective of a man who values common sense and basic fundamental freedoms such as the one which is the topic of this blog. The legal system has its place, of that there is no doubt, but in this instance, I believe it has crossed the line of violating basic rights under the Constitution, as well as plain old common sense.

"Gusto"

 

The Internet and Being “Connected”

Back in late April, I wrote a blog about the Internet, Cell Phones, iPods, Computers, and Facebook. The main thrust of that blog was how our world these days is based almost entirely on being "connected", and how that phenomenon has led us to being "disconnected" in a way. One of the things I mentioned in that particular blog was an experience I had in the Dallas, TX. Airport in December, 2009. I was sitting patiently waiting on my flight and doing one of the things I love best: people-watching. Everyone, and I mean nearly EVERYONE, was either talking on their cell phones, texting, listening to their iPods, or simply sitting quietly working on their laptop computer, like the elderly gentleman sitting next to me. It was at that point when I noticed his distinguished wife sitting across from me doing…..nothing. Just sitting there. So I said, "What did we do before all these gadgets we have these days, actually TALK with each other?" I'll never forget what happened next. She just smiled broadly and seemed suddenly energized with enthusiasm to do just what I had mentioned. Talk. And that's what we did for the next 15 minutes or so before boarding our flight.

So, yesterday, I was working at my computer doing on-line course work for a new career opportunity that's come my way (imagine that, on-line classes!), and waiting on the assignment "timer" I was working on to hit zero, all the while moving from one "window" to the next on Facebook, when I noticed this post from an old high school classmate: "‎9 hours without internet - I tried to remember what it was like in the old days before the internet and was shocked at my realization." The comments that followed were very revealing. Basically, we've lost "touch" with one another like the "old days", the days before the internet, cell phones, etc. Days when we would interact with one another face-to-face. Days when we weren't all rushing around like crazed ants because the world today is at our fingertips and everything can be had in an instant. In other words, we've lost touch with reality and become disconnected with being "connected."

One of the focal points that's driving this latest blog chapter is because of my personal experience with a life-altering experience as a result of my own actions nearly 3 1/2 years ago. When one's freedom is stripped, and I mean stripped in nearly every sense, it CHANGES one's perspective on what that word means. I'll never forget what it was like the first time I sat in front of a computer after not experiencing that sensation for nearly 6 months. I was shocked. And I mean truly shocked at how much had changed. The speed, the additional information, the seemingly overwhelming amounts of data and news coming at me like a freight train. It was humbling. 

But it did something else for me. It gave me pause to really and truly appreciate the value of freedom and life. It's the little things that bring us happiness; the gentle touch of another human being, the ability to look into someone's eyes and listen to them as they speak, being in touch with non-verbal cues from their body language, watching birds fly and listening to them sing in the early mornings, experiencing the rush of colors of spring-time, the incredible feeling of love and intimacy for another; kissing, cuddling, holding someone close in your arms, and on and on. When we lose our sense of reality, the ability to stay in tune with nature and one another, it diminishes our capacity to experience life the way God intended it to be. Mankind has created these communication devices and the ability to stay "connected" with one another that keeps us "disconnected." It's up to us to see that this connection doesn't destroy what truly matters; human contact. 

So a resolution is in order. I challenge each one of you who has read this, to take the time each day and every day to turn off your television, your computer, your cell phone, your stereo, your iPod, your whatever that gives you “instant gratification”, and RELAX quietly. Go outside, look up into the sky, listen to the sounds of nature, smell the grass or the flowers or simply the air around you, feel the warmth of the one you love next to you, and breathe in deeply the beauty and the taste of LIFE. The one God intended for us to have.

 

"Gusto"

Does God Give You Only What You Can Handle?

Two weeks ago, I had the good fortune and opportunity to meet and visit with a lady in San Diego County who is a professional counselor, one who has been in this profession, as well as teaching, for many years. This meeting came at the suggestion of someone special in my life, a woman I met recently, though we both feel like we have known each other much longer. Since that time, she and I have discovered we have many mutual interests and she's one of those people that have just "happened" to appear in my life like so many others over the past two years, though this is very different. Where this relationship is headed I'm not really sure. I do know this; she came into my life for a reason and I sense we are embarking on a journey together that will last a very long time. When she asked if I would be willing to see someone whom she felt might be able to shed a third-party perspective on where I'm going with the new life I've embarked on, as well as an objective view of our budding relationship, I immediately accepted her invitation. After all, it's not like the first time I saw a "counselor!"

When I met with this counselor, we talked for about an hour. I thoroughly enjoyed her and it was kind of funny in a way. When I woke that morning to go meet her for the first time, it occurred to me that this was the sort of thing I used to absolutely despise, "getting counseling." However, after looking back over the past several years and remembering the literally hundreds of hours spent in group counseling sessions, numerous private sessions, AA meetings, out-patient treatment, as well as interactions with others in various ways, and all the good that came out of that, I was eagerly looking forward to this encounter. For those of you who have been in counseling yourself and have seen first-hand the positive effect it had on your life, you will understand why I was so eager. For those of you who haven't, or who may simply disagree with this stance, I ask only for your patience and an open heart and mind in the message I'm trying to convey.

One of the things she and I discussed was the quote I frequently refer to as "God gives us only what we can handle." To be fair, that's not what most people think it says in the Bible, though everyone is familiar with this terminology. The actual quote is in Corinthians 10:13: "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." She was cautioning me that I had a lot of unfinished business to attend to; just finishing school, searching for work, finding my own place, taking care of my children, finding my own identity, and so on. What she was driving at of course, was whether I could handle developing and integrating a new relationship with the woman I had recently met, into my already full and transitioning lifestyle. My reply? "I've been saying for a very long time that God didn't give me so much as a plate, it's more like a cattle trough. He seems to think I can handle quite a bit and honestly, I can!" That's where she disagreed with me philosophically about what I had referred to about God and this plate business, primarily because it was her belief through counseling numerous people over a number of years, instances where she felt her clients had been dealt a bad hand when it came to senseless tragedies in their lives, such as the death of a loved one.

It was at that point when I held my ground with my beliefs. The death of my own mother at the young age of 39 immediately came to mind as a perfect example of what she was speaking of as a senseless tragedy. I choose to see our family's "senseless tragedy" quite differently. Enough time has passed since my mother's death 38 years ago, and although I cannot bring her back, I view it today as something I can draw positive motivation and strength from. Though I was a 13 year old boy at the time of her death, I can honestly say now as an adult, that my so called tragedies have helped me to connect with others in a more meaningful, spiritual, and inspirational way. I feel God can use me to help others in dealing with tragedies in their own lives, whether it's the death of a loved one they feel is unjust or unfair, or their own personal self-inflicted tragedy, such as the one I experienced with alcohol. Yes we disagreed, and honestly, it was minor and respectful, since the overall meeting went very well.

Here's why I feel so strongly about this notion of God and plate business. When I look at myself objectively, or at least try to, here's what I see. I see a 51 year old man who was born on a farm in Western Kansas, one of six children, and one of humble beginnings. I not only lost my mother in a tragic farm accident when I was 13, but witnessed it first-hand. I moved to California when I was 16 and finished high school, graduating in the top 10% of my class. I went on to get my Bachelor's degree in Business Administration when I was 23. I then embarked on a very successful career in banking for nearly 25 years afterward, earning the respect and admiration of my peers, all the while managing to get married, father and raise two children, several years by myself, and operate a 4,000 acre wheat operation at the same time. And then nearly dying, not once, but twice from seizures suffered from alcohol withdrawals. Spending 5 ½ months in a steel and concrete cage after catching my 3rd DUI in May 2008, 6 months in a house-arrest facility in Liberal, Kansas, followed by returning to where my life had spun out of control, where the big trouble had started, in Elkhart, Kansas. I felt I had to prove to God, myself, my family, and many others what I was truly made of. Completing an out-patient program in record time, being released from probation a year early, getting accepted into the University of California San Diego's accelerated paralegal program, and completing it successfully. Leaving Kansas in mid-March of this year and returning to California, bringing only what I needed to start over; just the bare necessities that one needs to survive. But mostly I brought a huge heart, an intelligent mind, a gigantic will, and my soul. A soul that simply won't give up on anyone or anything, including myself, and those that I love.

So, can I handle more? Can I handle the pressure of finding a job, my own place, taking care of my children again? Can I handle new relationships? A whole new life? You darn right I can. Never say never.

Next time you feel overwhelmed by your life, your family, your job, your finances, your whatever, look inside yourself and ask this question. How big is my plate? Is God giving me only what I can handle? Can I take it? Can I handle more? My belief is the answer is an emphatic yes. You never know what you're capable of until you're forced to. Your faith in God and faith in yourself; your heart, mind, and soul, will propel you to a life of enrichment, love, peace, and happiness that will astound you.

"Gusto"

" Everyday Is A Winding Road " [High Quality] Sheryl Crow

Thought of this one coming down the mountain last week. Sure, life's complicated but how boring would it be if we knew what was around every twist, turn, & bend? Better to lay back, enjoy the show, and savor every sight, sound, taste, touch, & smell as if it were your last. Anything goes.

An Awakening

I remember the first time I heard someone say, "I don't know when it happened, where it happened, or even why. And I really don't care to know. It just is and life just gets better and better every day."

I was attending an AA meeting in Liberal, KS. in the fall of 2008 when I first heard that. At the time, I didn't think much of it. To me, they were just words. The gentleman who uttered these words had been sober for over five years. But then later, as I attended numerous meetings with this same individual present, he continued to repeat it. And then I heard more people echo the same thoughts over the next few months. I thought, this is weird. What's up with this?

Today I know. I can't tell you when, where, or why I began to "awaken" and frankly, I'm in total agreement with these people. I don't WANT to know. Everything continues to unfold just as these people were saying about their own lives. It happens every day and though I said I don't know when, where, or why, I'll tell you what my gut says. It started sometime in June 2009, shortly after I returned to Elkhart, KS. I had been gone exactly one year, back to prove to myself first, God, and those that I once dwelled with, who and what I truly was. I felt different, looked different, ACTED different. Then in July, I started to have these "moments" when I would wake up early in the morning and start typing out Facebook "notes", notes that I later learned were inspiring others. And speaking, as if I was in front of a crowd of people somewhere in the future, motivating their lives to something greater and more productive. Later in September, after returning from Tucson from a family gathering, one of my sisters who was there shared some photographs she had taken of me with her boyfriend. He knew exactly what I looked like in February 2008, when he and two of my sisters showed up one day at my home in Elkhart, shortly before I hit my own bottom. He took one look at my picture and said something I'll never forget: "Gus, its like a resurrection." Since then, there's been many more instances but one recently stands out. I went to Big Bear Lake, California late last week, a short two day trip to spend time alone with my thoughts and gather myself for seeking work after finishing the UCSD Paralegal program. It dawned on me right after I got back. I'm not just "smelling" the flowers now, I'm pulling them and everything else of life around me into my soul; every color, every scent, the sounds, the taste, and the touch of LIFE. It's an incredibly inspiring and nearly indescribable feeling. It's the spiritual awakening that's "happening."

What's clear to me now though, and this is what fascinates me, is the awakening is never over. It's not like you just "wake up" one day and BAM, you got it all figured out. It's very much like being born in fact. You never stop growing. Sure, your physical body stops at some point but it's the mind and your soul that continues to grow and it will never stop until you die. This is the beauty of life and it's very similar to how I've described it on my Facebook page from time to time: "Life isn't a sprint to the finish line, it's more like a never-ending marathon. There's a lot of potholes and we all need a little help along the way."

If everyone would remember that, would remember that growing is never over, that it's impossible to ever figure everything out about life, then it would keep all of us in a place where we need to be; humble, patient, curious, helpful, loving, truthful, all those things that we each value deeply in how we want to be treated, but take for granted in others. Not everyone feels or acts the same. Each one of us is on a different path in this marathon. Some of us have no idea on what it takes to make it, a few have some of the tools, and then there's others who have a treasure trove full of tools. What's important is we're all in this together. We're here on this planet to help one another, that's one of the reasons God created us in my opinion. To serve our fellow man. No one has the right to sit in judgment of another just because we've been more fortunate to have more tools to be successful in the journey, however you wish to describe it; a stable upbringing, education, successful careers, happy families, or material possessions. None of those things mean a thing if all we're doing is using them for ourselves.

What I've just described has been a huge part of my own "awakening." I'm blessed and fortunate enough to have a variety of tools at my disposal; a loving family growing up, a great education, a once highly successful career in banking, and of course what some would perceive as very tragic circumstances that occurred in late 2007 into early 2008. I've CHOSEN to use what could have been what some would feel would be the absolutely WORST thing to ever happen in their life to something that is, without question, hands down, the greatest asset I can have as a human being.

Putting all these components together then leads me to this conclusion. I'm here on this planet for a purpose. At one time I thought it was to raise a family, farm, and be a banker all my life. God didn't have that in mind though. He tossed a major curveball at me and instead of striking out and sulking back to the dugout, I've decided to follow his lead and take another stab at it, and only because he's given me a second chance. My purpose? To serve my fellow man in every way I know how, using all of the tools God has given me; intelligence, experience, education, and wisdom, all borne out of a half-century of incredible stories that I'm ready, anxious, and eager to share. I don't expect everyone to listen and I certainly don't have all the answers. Like I say all the time and like my Dad always told me, I'm going with gut instincts. In other words, my HEART and SOUL. Not fancy or clever words, just what's real, truthful, and sincere.

"Gusto"

~ Ramblings ~

Ramblings is now a two month old spontaneous burst of thought. A creation made with no plan, no goal, just pure simple feelings and emotions. Looking back to when I woke that early morning on April 9th, 2010, I clearly remember sitting and looking at my computer, thinking something was about to "happen". Next thing I knew it did. First the website, http://www.gustoramblings.com/, and of course the blog to go with it, "Ramblings."

Here I am world. Two and a half months later, recently finished with the University of California San Diego accelerated legal program, 39 credit hours crammed into 12 weeks. Unbelievable, and words aren't adequate to describe EVERYTHING that has happened, and not only over the past three months since I arrived in SoCal, completing the "Escape from Elkhart." It obviously covers an exponential personal growth that began on "that date", June 5th, 2008.

But it goes back further than that, experiences that cover over 40 years and today, with over 2 years of sobriety under my belt, not one drop of alcohol tasted with these lips nor ingested into my body, the future is wide-open and the possibilities of what life might have to offer are unimaginable. I awake each day now and say two things and two things only. Thank you God for LIFE and FREEDOM. I intend to take neither for granted any more.

People have been asking me, what now? What are you going to do now that you're done with the primary mission you came here for? My answer is two-fold. First, obtain suitable employment within the legal field, take care of my children the best I possibly can, and hopefully live and dwell among people I can call "friend." People who value the same things I do; faith, honesty, courage, integrity, dignity, an appreciation for life itself and everything that comes with it, and most of all, a willingness and desire to serve my fellow man and mankind.

But the second one is one I had no idea would "happen"..... Ramblings. I realize now that this entire period of my life since June 5th, 2008, is starting to culminate and move into a path and destiny I never dreamed of. It involves the written word and sharing of knowledge in some way. Honestly, I still don't know but things continue to "happen" that keep me thinking writing is an integral part of my destiny. So, here's another example of a person that came into my life for a reason and again, it just "happened" :

Yesterday, I went outside to get coffee from the local vendor who has a stand located near the Encinitas library. By now, I know all of the people that work there by name as they do me. So as I was filling my cup, one of the part-time workers who works there, asked me what I was doing now that I'm done with school. I said "oh, job searching, facebooking, and blogging." She said, "really, what is it you blog about?" I said, "Life." She hesitated for just a moment then said, "give me your website, I'll take a look at it."

Turns out this nice lady has a very successful website development business that she operates herself full-time, developing and marketing web pages for small to mid-size companies in San Diego county, as well as common folks like me. She said she makes a good living at it and has lost track of how many clients she has, but I could tell from one of her "success stories" of a local business she helped, she's extremely good at what she does. For the next 10 minutes or so, she told me all sorts of things she could help me with in furthering, fostering, and developing "Ramblings" into something that might be of greater use to my fellow man.

An interesting development indeed, huh? People, places, things, and situations just continue to appear out of nowhere in my life, all for a reason, positive reasons, INSPIRING reasons. I guess I'll see what the tide brings in tomorrow......

"Gusto"

~ Facebook ~

A friend and I were talking over the phone recently about this subject. It's one that's of particular interest to me since Facebook has been an integral part of my life since early 2009 and, to be quite honest, since it was the only real form of social outlet I had when I was "confined to living quarters" in my own home in Elkhart, KS. from late May 2009 until March 2010, prior to moving to Southern California. This is the part most people don't know about me. When I say "confined to living quarters" and "the only real form of social outlet I had", imagine those two statements in the most literal sense.

We were talking about some of the "posts" I put up and she said something that puts this entire forum into a much clearer perspective, at least for me. She said, "Gus, you realize the things you put out there reach a lot of people and sometimes the message you intend it to be isn't what's perceived or heard, especially some of your musical choices. It's kinda like Swiss cheese she said, there's so many holes you can navigate through, each one of them that leads to a different conclusion." I thought WOW, does that ever make sense! But, you know what? Like I told her, I'm going for it in every way, and not just Facebook, I'm going at life hard. For me, there's simply no other way to live!

After all, we all know that there are probably HUNDREDS of ways to describe Facebook, with all kinds of websites offering their own advice on how to use it, what to say, what not to say, the list is endless. And that doesn't even include the dozens of YouTube clips that parody Facebook. I could reference any of a number of those sources to describe it, but the way she put it makes "common sense" to me.

But I digress so back to the topic at hand. FACEBOOK. What is it to you? How do you use it? What purpose does it serve in your life? For many, I know that its a means of staying "in touch" with family and friends, if only just to see pictures of their loved ones and their families and to hear what's going on in their day to day lives. Others aren't nearly as active, they're "out there" but don't share much at all. They just simply sit back and observe. And then there's others like myself who see it as a powerful means of communication.

For example, I have a "friend" here in SoCal who does nothing but put up short video clips of funny stuff, things like dogs on surfboards and so on. Other times he puts up some really inspiring animal stories in video format that seem to "touch" people. But I've never seen him once put up a "status update" or have I rarely seen him make even a comment! He just puts up the clip and BAM, that's it! And that's fine, that's his gig, his way of communicating "what's on his mind."

Then there's those that use it to simply banter back and forth as a way to amuse themselves, putting up short bursts of humorous posts in whatever fashion and see where it goes. Here again, that's "their thing" and their way of having fun. I view it this way, "live and let live."

I could name other examples but what I'd really like to cover is how Facebook can be used as a way to REALLY reach out and touch people, to help them if possible, to provide some spark of inspiration from events or circumstances in their own life to others. For instance, one of my sisters is employed with a entity called The Kansas Sampler Foundation, whose sole purpose is to promote rural America and to try to provide positive ways for our rural towns to survive. She and others associated with this organization use Facebook as a platform to "spread their message" and its amazing what the results have been. POSITIVE results. To me, that's where I think some people are "missing the boat", as it were. Facebook can, and should be in my humble opinion, used for so much more than telling me how your daughter's dentist appointment went today, what you had for lunch, etc. Hell, I can find that out by simply calling you!

That's why I created "notes" within my Facebook profile nearly a year ago, notes created from my own journey from literally near death. At first, I had no idea what I was doing or where I was going with them. Once I started sharing those thoughts, I quickly discovered that people were really dialing in to what was going on inside of me. They were inspired and told me so. Obviously, SOMETHING was needed there. As time went on, with the help of someone who just "happened" into my life a long time ago, another candle within me that had been flickering for a very long time was suddenly sparked into a roaring fire. With her musical gifts, she showed me a world I had never known.

And this fire continues to grow even at this moment. One of the reasons I started "Ramblings" shortly after moving here this past March. I woke up one morning in early April and the idea just "hit me." Hey, why not start my own website? Honestly, to that point, I hadn't given it any planning at all. It "just happened."

My whole point with this story is this. However you view Facebook and how you choose to utilize it in your own life, always remember this. This is a free country and this forum is yours to use as you please, within the confines of what is considered socially acceptable behavior. My advice to you? Particularly those of you who are hesitant because you're shy, unsure, or uneasy? Show NO FEAR! It says right there on YOUR home page, "What's on your mind?" SAY IT! And, most of all, don't let other people's opinions, especially your close friends or relatives, influence your actions. If you want to come down with a bad case of MPS like me, "multiple posting syndrome", then by all means, DO IT!

Show me WHO YOU ARE. Show me your FEELINGS, your SOUL. That, my friends, is what Facebook should be about. Not all the day-to-day goings-on any of us can get by picking up the phone, so we can "reach out and touch" someone, and say "How are you? What's the weather like? How's the family?"

Don't misunderstand me, there's nothing wrong with that approach if that's what you choose to do. Here again, live and let live. But, you can "reach out and touch" a heck of a lot more people in a very inspiring and positive way if you would only try. Go with your heart and don't hold back! Trust me, you'll be happy you did!

"Gusto"

feeling good-Michael Buble

I've posted and listened to hundreds of songs over the past year or so and if there is one that can accurately describe everything I feel about my life today, this one would be it. And not just with every single word of the lyrics, it's the FEELING and EMOTION he puts into this performance that reflects my own feelings and emotions. It's incredible.

Ebb & Flow

I've written and said many times "things happen for a reason." Most people think when they hear those words, of events in their lives, situations that come up, or circumstances placed into their lives. But the biggest of all is one perhaps many don't "see" in those words. People. Special people. People that come into your life for a reason. The key difference is how we react. We can of course react positively to the good that comes our way or, we can choose to react negatively if things "happen" that we perceive on their surface as not so good. It goes back to the old saying life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

When something "happens" in your life, whether it be a person, place, thing, or situation, some times what appears to be a HUGE negative can, in fact, be your biggest asset. It depends on your attitude. For instance, let's say you do or say something that you feel is the "right" thing and suddenly, for whatever reason, it turns out exactly opposite. What is your natural reaction? Do you get defensive? Does self-doubt come into your mind? Do you start having regrets? Or do you even get angry? Or do you look at it differently? Do you say to yourself, "Self? Maybe this happened for a reason? Now, what am I going to do about it? How am I going to react? What is my attitude going to be? Positive or negative?"

That "happened" to me today. The "old" me, the one who viewed life as a glass half-empty, it's not my fault, or this isn't fair would have immediately reacted in a negative way. But today, I CHOOSE to react in a positive way. By doing so, what would appear on the surface to be a huge negative in my life, something that can pull me back into old ways of thinking, or living in the past, suddenly turns into my greatest asset!

In other words, life is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you choose to live and react positively with everything that comes into your sphere of being; people, places, things, or situations, chances are pretty darn good amazing and positive results will occur that will boggle your mind. Once you start doing that, get a taste of it, and go back for more, you will feel like a miner that has struck gold. You will literally LIVE and BREATHE for those moments. And you will never be able to get enough. That's LIVING! Its at that MOMENT you realize, that if you had to, you would drink sand to get to that oasis of positive water of living.

Life is like water in that way. There's an ebb and flow feel to it; nothing stays the same, everything changes, but it always circles and cycles around your entire being. When you have faith in God, in yourself, and live in a positive way, then people, places, things, and situations that enter into your ebb and flow, regardless of what will initially on the surface appear to be negative, will suddenly morph into your greatest strengths. Once that becomes embedded into your mind, then it flows into your heart, and ultimately into your very soul. It is at that point you've achieved one of the greatest accomplishment you can ever have as a human being. The POWER of changing your outside world from within yourself.

"Gusto"

Charlotte Church - The Prayer (with Josh Groban)

INCREDIBLY POWERFUL.

Inspiration/Hope & Two Young Men

Where do I start with this one? Hmmm...in just the past couple of days, I noticed there was a new "fan" on the Gusto page I created on Facebook, a young man who lived right next door to me in Elkhart, KS. I think he's around 17 and his father has a very successful construction business in S.W. Kansas, doing all kinds of work including home and commercial buildings. His mother is a teacher at the local school district and she knew my children well when they lived there in the '05-'06 school year.

For the sake of privacy, I will call this young man "Rex." When I saw that he joined, I sent him a private message on facebook thanking him and this was his reply: "I was just really inspired how you have overcome all of this and even started a website about it! Hope all is well for you."

Two words stand out with that reply: INSPIRED and HOPE. I can't express enough how many times I have heard the word inspired when people have interacted with me over the past two years. It goes back to the very beginning in June 2008 and keeps growing exponentially every day. A good friend here in SoCal I referred to in an earlier post has been telling me for months: "Gus, people are INSPIRED by not just your story but the way you tell it. This is your calling. People NEED inspiration in their lives these days."

The other one of course is hope. Without hope, we're lost. There's so many words, things, possessions, things we value that stand out in our lives but without some measure of hope embedded deep in our conscious, there really isn't any point in living. It reminds me of the final time I went back to the half-way house in Liberal, Kansas in early March of this year shortly before I left Kansas for California. I went there to attend the weekly AA meeting held every Friday night at the house, a goodbye if you will and since the meetings are "open", I thought it only fitting to do so. There were only 6 or 7 people there at the time, including the house manager. One of the guys that was present was one that lived there in November 2008 when I was there. He saw me come in and said "Gus, great to see you! Are you going to talk tonight? You always had such great things to say and I always looked forward to hearing what you had to share."

Later, when the meeting started, the house manager decided it was going to be "stick" night. Stick night is when everyone draws what looks like a tongue depresser from a jar that has one word written on it that each one of us was supposed to talk about and how it applied in their life. I don't recall what mine was but I definitely remember what one young man's was. He was only 20 or so, and I noticed immediately he was a "newbie" there, meaning he just arrived. That "look" that everyone has, one of fear, the deer in the headlight look, as it were. I introduced myself to him before the meeting started and did in fact find out that he had arrived only the day before. He had caught his first DUI. I shared with him very openly my story and I remembered thinking man, this kid needs some HOPE in his life. He seems desperate, lost, and so alone.

But back to the stick. When he pulled his out and announced what his word was, I nearly jumped out of my chair. And then he spoke, very softly, very briefly, and when he ended his short speech I remember him distinctly saying, "All I can do is HOPE." That was his word on his stick and THAT's when I LEAPED out of my chair and began excitedly telling him and everyone there about all the lessons I had learned over months and months. I don't recall everything I said but I remember how INSPIRED I was, the feeling that came over me as I was speaking.....I wasn't just sharing, I was TEACHING.

When I finished I remember looking him in the eyes. His look had changed. He was still fearful but I could see a glint of HOPE in his eyes. And then several people clapped, something that NEVER used to happen when I was there.

My point? I'm not certain but it comes back I think to what my good friend here in SoCal has been telling me for months. "Gus, you have a tremendous amount of knowledge that you need to share with this world. But Elkhart, Kansas isn't the place to do it. You're stagnating there. It's here where your destiny is."

Two young men. One from Elkhart, Kansas, a neighbor who lived right next door to me and knows my story intimately, mostly from my own actions when I lived there from August 2005 until June 2008 and when I came BACK to the scene of the crime, for lack of a better term, in June 2009 to prove to MYSELF first and to those there that I was a much better man than what they had seen before. And a young man in Liberal, Kansas, one who didn't know me from Adam, but needed to hear a message of HOPE.

But now that message of INSPIRATION has returned to Rex in Elkhart, Kansas, compliments of this blog and website. It is my HOPE then, that he will share this message with others, so that others may find some inspiration in their lives, something that they can hope for, a reason to LIVE life as God intended them to be.

I have a feeling that this particular post about Elkhart, Kansas is just the first of more to come in the days and weeks ahead.

"Gusto"

Living In The Moment

Recently, someone came into my life that asked me to "live in the moment" when we planned our first one-0n-one encounter. Living in the moment is something that goes in line with many of the teaching and lessons I've learned over the years and though I know we all try to practice this principle, it remains difficult, at least for me, to keep from "projecting" future events based on current feelings and emotions.


In one of my earlier posts here on the blog, I referred to a lady counselor at Norton Valley Hope in Norton, KS. I saw only once in September 2006. She was substituting that day for my regular counselor and was the key person who gave me the handwritten note about reading pages 416-417 of the "Big Book" 5 times a day for 5 days and how it would change my life. To refresh those not aware of that post, the basic thrust behind that lesson was the hugely important value of acceptance in our life. Acceptance of persons, places, things, and situations as being exactly the way God intended them to be "at this MOMENT", to accept completely life on life's terms as it is today at this very moment, good OR bad. I remember asking her that day, "what is this business about living one day at a time?" I'll never forget how she helped me to make it clearer then, though I still didn't fully grasp it until much later. She said, "Gus, where are you?" I said, "I'm in Norton, KS." She said, "No, where are you at this moment?" I said, "I'm sitting here talking to you." THEN she said, "Where are your feet?" I said, "Huh? well, one is crossed over one leg and the other is on the floor." She said, "Exactly."


I remember now I sort of looked at her in amazement and I recall briefly understanding what she meant but then later, my personal pastor there, told me something else that helped even more. He said, "Gus, you and I are a lot alike. We like to plan and I've found that living ONE day at a time is waaay too much for me. And I think you're the same way." I said, "What do you mean? Are you saying we shouldn't PLAN for the future? I mean, after all Bob, I've got responsibilities, bills, etc." He said, "No, I'm not suggesting that you NOT plan. You HAVE to. But just don't expect all your plans to work out." After probing him further about this he said, "Let me give you an example. For me, one day is too much, one hour is too much. So, for instance, when I'm crossing the street, I'm crossing the street. I'm not thinking about what I'm going to do when I get there because I may not make it across."


That made a lot more sense to me. And that was nearly 4 years ago. Today, its so much clearer and even though I try to "live in the moment", I'm still one of those that struggles with the concept. However, the person I referred to at the start of this particular post has helped to remind me of the HUGE value of living in the moment, just letting life come to us one moment at a time, because life doesn't offer us ANY guarantees. We're only here for a short time and it is an absolute necessity to keep our minds focused on that way of living. Projecting the future for ourselves, or even others we become involved with personally, like the person I met recently should be handled with trust, care, and most of all, respect. Doing so will therefore afford us the opportunity to learn and grow within ourselves and with others in our lives.

Yesterday's job interview is another prime example of living in the moment. Yes, my meeting in downtown San Diego on the 25th floor of the Emerald Plaza with the senior recruiter for a legal employment placement firm went fantastic and far beyond my wildest imaginations. But is there any guarantee that something will come of it just because of "that moment?" Obviously not. That's why humility is also a key part of the equation in living in the moment and in anything else we do on a day-to-day basis. And it also reminds me of one of my favorite sayings that Rick Warren, pastor of the Saddleback Church, describes about life.

He said, and I'm paraphrasing here so forgive me for not quoting directly: "I used to think life was like a series of hills and valleys. First you go up to the mountaintop then back down before returning the the top once more. I no longer believe that. Rather, life is like a set of railroad tracks, and at all times there's always something good going on in your life and always something bad going on in your life. When life is good, beware, because there's something bad probably coming up the other side of the tracks that's going to bite your ass. And when life is bad, just remember, there's always something you can be thankful for."

The moral of that story? At least to me? Balance, humility, living in the moment, don't project, don't get too "high" when things are good and don't get so "down" when they're not.

So, this new and special person in my life and this stellar job interview? Keep it all in perspective, practice those principles already learned, listen and watch for the signs from God to stay always humble, always ready to learn, to give of yourself to others, ACCEPT life on life's terms as it is today, AT THIS MOMENT.

"Gusto"

Phil Collins - Father To Son

For my son and ALL sons and fathers. As to my own son, this is our call and our little secret...."Thumbs Up, Seven-Up!"

Eagles-love will keep us alive live version

By far, one of my favorite songs, because the lyrics reflect the deepest recesses and feelings of my soul....."I was standing, all alone against the world outside.....lost and lonely, now you've given me will to survive. When we're hungry....love will keep us alive."

FEAR

I'm not exactly certain where I'm going with this one but it's been on my mind a lot lately for some reason. FEAR. "False Evidence Appearing Real", a term a close family member once told me he thinks the word stands for. For a long time I wasn't sure what he meant because life can be so harsh, so REAL, that fear is something hard for us to let go of.

It can be done. One of the keys in doing so I believe is dropping our walls of pride, ego, and self-doubt about ourselves and others. Think about it. Where ever you go, especially in unfamiliar surroundings with unfamiliar faces, what is it that you do? How do you act? Guarded, right? Unsure. Why? Have you ever stopped to think that EVERYONE else is doing the same thing? Think about some of my earlier posts, the ones about "group dynamics", going into public places such as an elevator, or a grocery store. Everyone goes around as if they're SCARED of one another but the second some one appears outgoing, sincere, and real, what happens? You feel more comfortable, right? Think of a child, put a child's manner and innocence in your mind's eye. How do they act? No pretense, no FEAR, just pure, raw emotion. REAL.

So, what happened to us as adults? I think its a function of many things; feeling we have to act "responsibly" as parents, as employees, the news media and the constant bombardment of negative news. Floods, earthquakes, war, the BP oil spill, the economic collapse, the DESPAIR people feel with the world these days. You know what I say? Don't listen to it! Think and act like a child, not in an immature sense mind you, but take risks, be more out-going, show no FEAR of new things, new ways, new thinking. Getting "outside the lines" with "outside the box" thinking is how I try to focus myself in this new way I've discovered the past couple of years.

It's hard though. Every day is a struggle to overcome those self-doubts, the negative news, the FEAR that seems so prevalent in our world any more. But if everyone would try harder to act, live, feel, and think positively in every aspect of their daily lives and with those around them, think of the possibilities! The mind is a wondrous thing. It starts with me. With you. And then another and another. Before long, the group dynamic will change and our world will begin changing to something more positive, more hopeful, with less FEAR among us. We can do it. We just have to BELIEVE.

"Gusto"