January 13, 2012

"Carried Away...."

This one’s been around awhile, and there’s some question to its origin or even its validity, but irrespective of that, it’s food for thought. Cherish your loved ones, even when times are bad, even when things are at their worst, for we never know what tomorrow may bring…. ~ Gusto

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage. This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions.  She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us part. 

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I ran up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was too busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from whatever negative reaction it would have on our son, in case we pushed through with the divorce. — At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband…. THE SMALL DETAILS OF YOUR LIVES ARE WHAT REALLY MATTER IN A RELATIONSHIP.

 "IT'S NOT" the Mansion or House, the Car, Property, the Money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! 

The story you just read reminds me of this…..

"One day I won’t be here. One day when you have a problem you won't be able to call me to ask for help. One day when you want to send me a message I won't ever receive it. One day when I'm not here I won't be able to tell you that I love you so much and I cherish every moment I have with you. Never regret anything we did. Regret the things we didn't have a chance to do because it was too late. Remember all the laughs we got to share and the tears we got to see roll off each other's faces. Remember all the hugs and air kisses. Don't ever leave my side when I need you because I will never leave you." ~ unknown.



Lisa said...

My heart, eyes, and soul were just opened wider than they have been for a while. It was as if I was hit over the head with a bat. Thank you. I was just telling a friend after she commented that new couples do all they can to "woo" each other. With time, she was saying, that is non-existent. I was reminded of an earlier blog that you published about if we make an effort to do one caring gesture a day, every day, eventually, it will just happen, without us even thinking about it. Hopefully, it will be a pleasant habit. This story, ends with a sad, and heart warming wake up call to us all. It may be too late for some of us one day. I don't want to be, "one of us!" Let us all challenge ourselves by showing our loved ones, in an effortless way, just how much we care, love, and appreciate them with gentle words, actions, and affection every single day. One of my favortes, Gus. <3

Sylvia Marsh Moore said...

This was A bitter-sweet story that brought tears to my eyes.So many people let their love slowley drift away without even realizing it.If people would just open their eyes and heart and keep their love alive.

Sylvia Marsh Moore said...

This story left tears in my eyes.It was very eye opening.If people could just understand how much they effect their loved one.

Bond 007 said...

Thank you Lisa...like I said, whether it's true or not, which I'm sure it's probably happened more times than we can imagine, life is short. Savor it!!


Bond 007 said...

Thank you Sylvia! Stories like this are what LIFE is about!!


boone said...

It is so real.....hopefully not too many will ever experience that 'leaving' at an early stage of marriage. I lost my husband to cancer after 18 years ... the pain never leaves and the memories remain. I have so often thought..."I need to call him and tell him about something...." and it can't be done. This is true of other relationships too. My father died only 2 years before my husband. When we had family meetings with the children, (weekly), my husband always insisted we hold hands....his theory was "one can't be angry with someone they are holding hands with". Our boys were not too thrilled with this plan at first but they accepted this and it is true...sometimes when someone is having an argument or feeling bad...the tenderness of touching and holding hands brings much warmth to the heart and soul. December 5, was 13 years since my husband's death and I still feel his strength and I will always Cherish Him.....I will always Miss Him.....and my Dear Daddy....Two men cut from the same cloth.

Bond 007 said...

Thank you "Boone." Please know, I'm sure your husband "hears" you every moment of every day. He "sees" your thoughts, he feels your feelings, and I KNOW he would want you to move on with the good memories of his life with you in a positive and loving light. Peace and Love be with you always. God Bless!