There's been some strange things that have happened since I arrived in San Diego a little over a month ago. And so many things, too! First, my kids and I arrived after leaving Elkhart together on March 15th around 2 p.m. It was a Monday. It had only been the prior Tuesday when I left work that day for the final time. I had a lot to do; sorting through "stuff", pitching loads and loads of things into the dumpster, organizing what was left, boxing, packing, planning, it seemed I would never get it done in time. But I did. Cleaned out the ENTIRE house; four bedrooms, two bathrooms, kitchen, dining, closets, and a garage. All in only 5 days. I have no idea where the energy came from nor even why I still have it. But I do. I wonder why? Is there a reason? Is there some purpose that literally drove me to the brink of exhaustion just to get here? We travelled 1400 miles in 54 hours, saw the Grand Canyon, one glorious night in Las Vegas just so my daughter and son could see Las Vegas Boulevard at midnight on Tuesday, the Hoover Dam, and arrived at my sister's house around 6:30 Wednesday. I think of what I just wrote and I'm stunned. 1400 MILES IN 54 HOURS AND SAW THREE OF THE BIGGEST LANDMARKS IN THIS NATION with a 17 year old, a 15 year old, a van packed to the brim, and one 51 year old man with a checkered past but a gigantic will and heart still left. Why? I keep asking that. Why? And then 4 SOLID days with the kids, nothing but shopping, beaches, movies, dining, everything they or I could have possibly wished for. So, when I took them to the airport on the following Sunday the 21st, 6 days after they had been with me, they left so suddenly. And then it dawned on me. They were gone. I was alone. It was time to begin.
Orientation on Wednesday the 24th, that week filled with unpacking, sorting, organizing, and planning once again. Classes started on the 29th of March and I've been non-stop since. Today is April 27th and day after tomorrow I will be nearly to the half-way mark already of this 12 week "accelerated" paralegal program at the University of California San Diego extension campus; two years of studies packed into 12 weeks. I'm the oldest by at least 5-10 years than any of the other 20 students and most I'm old enough to be their father. I'm keeping up. Barely now though. Because I started "Ramblings" on April 9th, after the urging of many, one in particular, one morning I just woke up and it "happened." There's that word again. Why? Why me? What the hell am I doing this for? I don't have the time to be honest, I just finished the final for Civil Litigation and still have the Computer final due day after tomorrow I haven't even started yet. Yet here I am, typing away furiously, heart is pounding, I can't seem to get my fingers to type fast enough, although by now I'm DEFINITELY FAST! Why? Why is this "happening" to me? Why have I got this unbelievably insatiable NEED to share ALL of the experiences that have been embedded into my soul over the past two years and all of my adult years prior to when I was living in the dark?
My good friend who's been a huge help since I've been here told me this in December 2009 when I first came to check into the school, visit family, and just "feel things out". She's sort of a person that "sees" things in others, if you catch my drift, deeply religious, and very in tune with those around her. She said, "Gus, you're stagnating in Kansas and what you are intending to do here with the paralegal idea is just the start. You have a tremendous gift of knowledge that, whether you realize it or not, people are craving for. People read what you have to say and are inspired. Many have told you this, right? Haven't I been telling you this for months? This is your time Gus. People are watching you, though you don't know it, especially your kids. Its your final chance to make a difference by sharing with others what you've learned. Don't waste it."
So, that's what I intend to do. Do things "happen" for a reason? If I hadn't have hit bottom, lost my job, nearly lost my life, not once but three times, got into the "system", and survived it, I wouldn't be here typing away like mad. Yes, I believe...No, I am CONVINCED that things happen for a reason. Because everything that happens in God's world is not by mistake. Its all by design. We are pre-destined to become who we are. We just don't know when or where that's going to "happen." That's why we have to have faith in ourselves, the strength in knowing that our God-given instincts will tell us what to do without us even realizing it. Make no mistake, I'm not one of those "bible-beaters", any more than I care to have someone beat me over the head with AA or tell me I HAVE to go to a meeting. Hell, I haven't been to one for months. But I do talk with people about it. Every day. I just don't spill out the source of it. It's just me. Being natural. Being REAL. That's who I am. I "happened" for a reason.
Orientation on Wednesday the 24th, that week filled with unpacking, sorting, organizing, and planning once again. Classes started on the 29th of March and I've been non-stop since. Today is April 27th and day after tomorrow I will be nearly to the half-way mark already of this 12 week "accelerated" paralegal program at the University of California San Diego extension campus; two years of studies packed into 12 weeks. I'm the oldest by at least 5-10 years than any of the other 20 students and most I'm old enough to be their father. I'm keeping up. Barely now though. Because I started "Ramblings" on April 9th, after the urging of many, one in particular, one morning I just woke up and it "happened." There's that word again. Why? Why me? What the hell am I doing this for? I don't have the time to be honest, I just finished the final for Civil Litigation and still have the Computer final due day after tomorrow I haven't even started yet. Yet here I am, typing away furiously, heart is pounding, I can't seem to get my fingers to type fast enough, although by now I'm DEFINITELY FAST! Why? Why is this "happening" to me? Why have I got this unbelievably insatiable NEED to share ALL of the experiences that have been embedded into my soul over the past two years and all of my adult years prior to when I was living in the dark?
My good friend who's been a huge help since I've been here told me this in December 2009 when I first came to check into the school, visit family, and just "feel things out". She's sort of a person that "sees" things in others, if you catch my drift, deeply religious, and very in tune with those around her. She said, "Gus, you're stagnating in Kansas and what you are intending to do here with the paralegal idea is just the start. You have a tremendous gift of knowledge that, whether you realize it or not, people are craving for. People read what you have to say and are inspired. Many have told you this, right? Haven't I been telling you this for months? This is your time Gus. People are watching you, though you don't know it, especially your kids. Its your final chance to make a difference by sharing with others what you've learned. Don't waste it."
So, that's what I intend to do. Do things "happen" for a reason? If I hadn't have hit bottom, lost my job, nearly lost my life, not once but three times, got into the "system", and survived it, I wouldn't be here typing away like mad. Yes, I believe...No, I am CONVINCED that things happen for a reason. Because everything that happens in God's world is not by mistake. Its all by design. We are pre-destined to become who we are. We just don't know when or where that's going to "happen." That's why we have to have faith in ourselves, the strength in knowing that our God-given instincts will tell us what to do without us even realizing it. Make no mistake, I'm not one of those "bible-beaters", any more than I care to have someone beat me over the head with AA or tell me I HAVE to go to a meeting. Hell, I haven't been to one for months. But I do talk with people about it. Every day. I just don't spill out the source of it. It's just me. Being natural. Being REAL. That's who I am. I "happened" for a reason.
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